


The 10 years I loved you the most

by Kanade89



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chemotherapy, Explicit Language, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, IronStrange, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Not Steve Friendly, Possessive Behavior, Side Effects, Slow Burn, Stephen Strange/Tony Stark endgame, Steve is not a heartless monster, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-11-23 16:12:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18154109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanade89/pseuds/Kanade89
Summary: Tony Stark married the love of his life 10 years ago, and he couldn't be happier, or at least he’s supposed to be. The truth is things with Steve haven’t been good for a while, and now he has to add that to the fact that he's dying.Based on the novel with the same name.





	1. The beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own marvel nor the avengers. This fanfic is based in the novel with the same name.

Tony left the building, breathing the cold air of the city. It was winter in New York, and a thin layer of snow was forming in the streets. He fixed his scarf and walked to the parking lot while he re-dialed his husband's number.

"Sorry, the number you have dialed is not available, please leave your message after the tone." Tony hung up, letting out a long sigh.

“Perhaps he's already home,” he said to himself as he visualized Happy standing beside the black car, raising his hand to greet him as he approached.

“Hi Happy, sorry for the wait, it took a little longer than expected,” Tony said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“Don’t worry boss, that’s why I’m here.” Happy answered, opening the back door, Tony got into the car, letting himself enjoy the heat of the interior and placed aside the envelope that the doctor had given him.

“Well,” Happy started saying as he stepped into the car, “what did the doctor say?”

Tony took off his gloves and placed them on top of the envelope. He stared at it for a few seconds before answering.

“Same as always, he insisted again that I needed to start treatment and offered me his colleague's number so that I could talk to him about it.”

“Well boss, maybe it's time you consider it seriously, you can’t keep postponing it.” Happy said, with a little concern in his voice.

Tony ran his hands through his hair. “I know Happy, but I wanted to be able to talk to Steve about this before making a decision.”

“You haven't told him yet?” Happy said, raising his voice and turning around to see him.

Tony avoided Happy’s gaze. “Eyes in the road!” he lifted his index finger and pointed the road in front of them, before letting out a long sigh. “No, I haven’t found the moment. He has been working overtime, and when he returns home, he is exhausted and irritated by work.”

“Yes, of course, for the work.” Happy answered pinching his lips together but returning his gaze to the front.

“Why do you say it like that?” Tony asked, putting his eyebrows together. He knew that Happy was developing an antipathy towards Steve and understood why, but he still didn't like it that he spoke of him like that, Steve didn't deserve it. After all, it was his fault; the truth was that he was afraid to tell Steve about it; he didn’t want Steve getting angry with him. He had hoped to be able to solve this problem by himself, but it seemed that it wasn’t going to be possible.

“For nothing boss” he sighed, squeezing his hands on the steering wheel. “it’s just that I'm worried about you, Pepper and Peter are also worried, we don’t want you to keep putting this off because Steve is busy.”

Tony felt a little pinch in his chest. “You don’t have to worry Happy, I've survived worse” Tony grinned “you will not get rid of me so easily.”

“I know boss,” he said with a half smile, losing his grip, “but promise me you will call the doctor and schedule an appointment with him, preferably this week,” his tone became serious. Tony could see Happy watching him in the rearview mirror, his eyes shining with concern.

“Fine Happy, I promise,” he said with a groan, he knew he couldn’t keep ignoring it.

They spent the rest of the journey in silence, Tony got lost in his thoughts and didn't even noticed when they arrived. Happy said goodbye with a smile, but not before reminding him to schedule his appointment with the doctor.

"Hello Friday," Tony greeted his AI as he entered the mansion. "Something interesting happened while I was gone?” he took off his coat and scarf and left them in the rack next to the entrance.

“Nothing boss, everything continues as you left it.”

“I see” Tony looked at the empty house; Steve still hadn’t returned. “Fri, could you call Steve?”

“Of course, boss.”

* * *

Steve was lying in bed, hugging Bucky. He stroked his hair and watched how quiet and beautiful he looked while he slept. He felt at peace when he was with him, he reminded him of his past, of how his life was before his mother married again and they had to move from Brooklyn to the Upper East Side. Before Tony.

He heard his cell phone rang, it was Tony again, obviously, it was already the sixth time that he had called in the day, so Steve decided to take pity on him and answer the call. He got out of bed and walked away a bit before answering, to not wake up his lover.

“Is something wrong Tony? I'm working overtime, and I really don't have time to talk.” His tone came out a little harder than he intended it to be, but he wanted to finish the call soon to be able to come back to bed with Bucky.

“Will you arrive at the house today? You haven’t come back in 2 days …” Tony tried to keep his voice from shaking. He had missed Steve’s voice so much these days, and now that he could hear it again it had to be with a tone of apathy towards him.

“You know I'm doing something important, I can’t just come back because you have a whim,” Steve replied, rubbing his left brow.

“Will you come home for dinner? I can try to cook something, pasta or maybe soup for the cold …” he had hoped Steve had missed him too, but it was apparent he didn’t felt the same. He inhaled to keep the tears from escaping. He didn’t want Steve to think he was doing a tantrum.

“Seriously I can’t go back right now, I'm really busy,” Steve sighed, Tony always had to choose the worst moments. “Besides, you don’t have to do it. I can ask Sam to take you whatever you want to dinner.” He said, calming down little, He didn’t want Tony to get very insistent. “I'm busy. I'm going to hang up.”

“Wait…” Before Tony could say anything else Steve hung up, he felt some guilt for treating Tony like that, but at that moment he was not in the mood to deal with him and his demands. Right now all he wanted was to rest on Bucky's chest and felt his skin over his own, so he returned to bed. Tony could wait; he would have a lot of time to talk and spend time with him later.

* * *

 

When Steve hung up, Tony sat down on the floor and let himself cry. He felt lost; he didn’t understand what he had done wrong so that Steve would reject him in that way, at what moment did they distance themselves so much? What could he do to fix things between them? He felt an enormous pain in his chest, like an illness that oppressed his heart and closed his throat, preventing him from breathing.

“Boss” he heard Friday's voice call him. “Boss, you are hyperventilating, please focus on the sound of my voice and try counting to three” Tony did as he was told. Once he relaxed a little bit, he lifted his head and stared at the ceiling, contemplating his life. He kept wondering how he had allowed this to happen. He felt drained.

After a few minutes, he got up and went to his room, and asked Friday not to pass any calls. He then laid on his bed and fell asleep rather quickly.

 

  
_He dreamed about Steve._   
_Both of them were in the kitchen. It was shortly after they bought the house and moved together. The walls and cupboards were freshly painted, the wood on the table did not have any of the coffee stains, and Steve used to cook daily to "justify the money invested," according to him._   
_Right then, Steve was cooking ravioli for dinner, and Tony was watching him from the table, feeling his heart pounding._

  
_“You know, I should buy you an apron,” Tony tilted his head back and smiled._

  
_“And then I can cook for you using only the apron?” Steve asked, smiling back._

  
_"It's like you read my mind!" Tony got up and approached Steve. He hugged him by the waist, running his hands under his shirt._

  
_Steve laughed, turning to face Tony and deposited a gentle kiss in his front. "If I did that, I could never finish cooking anything."_

  
_“It doesn’t matter, you are the only food I need,” Tony replied, raising his hands to Steve’s back._

  
_“Oh, I'm sure” Steve laughed and took Tony's face in his hands as he leaned over to kiss him. Tony felt a wave of electricity go through his body and started to feel a little lightheaded. Steve took Tony's hair with one hand and placed the other on his waist as he held it close to his body to deepen the kiss._

  
_Tony felt that he was melting. Steve's touch was intoxicating, it was soft and rough at the same time, and he felt his skin burn hot where Steve had touched him. Steve lifted Tony by the thighs and placed him on top of the kitchen counter. Tony wrapped his legs around Steve and began to raise his shirt—_

  
The sound of the doorbell woke him up.   
He got up with a groan, the first time in weeks that he had a good dream and they had to wake him in the best part.

“Coming, coming!” He shouted to whoever was still ringing the doorbell. And who could it be? He was sure he did not have any important meetings, and that Peter wouldn't come until tomorrow.

“What's wrong?” He said after opening the door and seeing that it was Sam, for a moment, he thought something bad had happened to Steve and felt his heart drop until he saw that Sam was carrying bags that looked like takeout.

“Hello Tony,” he gave Tony a little smile. “Steve asked me to come and bring you dinner, and he said he was sorry for not being able to return to the house today, he still has a lot of work.” Sam nervously scratched the back of his neck.

“Oh ... “ so Steve was not coming back today either, Tony glared to the bags, trying to hide his disappointment. “It's okay Sam, thanks.” he took the bags while he looked to Sam at the eyes and put his best Stark smile. “You know how he is, he loves to work, and I also have a lot I work in my workshop anyway, so tell him not to worry.”

“Yes, I'll tell him.” Sam smiled hesitantly at him. He seemed as if he wanted to say something more, but he remained silent.

“Well, you better go back to work,” Tony said before an awkward silence took place. “And next time don’t let him treat you as an assistant.”

“I'll keep it in mind, see you later Tony” he gave Tony a half-smile.

“See you later Sam.” Tony watched Sam walk back to his car before closing the door. Once inside he left the bags in the kitchen and went down to his workshop, he knew he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, so he decided to continue working on his projects; at least in that way his mind would be busy, and he wouldn’t think about Steve.

* * *

 

“Boss, you have a message from Ms. Potts, it's to remind you to make an appointment with the doctor” The voice of his AI got him out of his trance, he checked his watch, it was 4 p.m.

He left his tools aside. “Yeah, dial the doctor’s office please Fri.” He heard the phone ring once before they answered.

“Dr. Strange's office.” A woman with a sweet voice answered.

“Hello, good afternoon, I would like to schedule an appointment.” He bitted his lip. He didn't understand why he was so nervous all of a sudden.

“Gladly, tell me, are you already patient or is it your first time?”

“First time.” His mouth has gone dry.

He heard the woman typing. “Okay, so I'll need you to give me your full name and a phone number so I can schedule the appointment.”

“The name is Tony Stark.” He listened to the secretary made a small sound of astonishment. He was used to it; after all, he was one of the most famous men in America. “And the telephone is 555 XXX XXXX.” He heard more typing.

“Thank you very much, Mr. Stark, any special day in which you would like to have the appointment?” She sounded too cheerfully to Tony’s taste.

“The closest date you have available.” The sooner he ended up with this, the better. He was tired of going with doctors; all he wanted was some medicine to mask the symptoms and being able to spend time with Steve. He didn't want to spend his last months locked up in some Hospital.

“In that case, it would be tomorrow at 11 in the morning. Is that time okay for you Mr. Stark?”

“Perfect, thanks. See you tomorrow.” He hung up and asked Friday to notify Happy about the appointment so that he would pick him up. He then set the music up to the maximum volume and continued working.

He didn't want tomorrow to come.


	2. Dr. Stephen Strange

Tony waked up at 8 a.m. feeling like shit and covered in sweat, sometime during the night fever struck him, and it continued over the night, even after he took medicine. At least at the moment, the temperature had gone down, but his body still hurt, and his mouth was dry.

 

“Good morning boss, today’s temperature is of 46ºF, and it's expected to rain at 3 p.m.” Friday greeted him while she opened the curtains to let the sunlight enter.

 

He got up from the bed and walked to the bathroom, opening the tap and letting the water pour. He took some with his hands and splashed it onto his face. Tony glanced over at the image the mirror presented him. He knew that it was him, who else could it be? But the image the mirror reflected was of someone he didn’t know. Dark circles rested under his eyes, his skin stuck to his bones, and the eyes looked too black for being his.

 

“Today is going to be a long day,” he thought, letting out a sigh.

 

Tony put on some jeans and a black shirt and went to the kitchen to prepare a green smoothie for breakfast. Ugh, the things he had to do for health, sometimes it made him wonder if it was worth it. Then he took his Stark phone and looked at some of his next projects until Friday announced that Happy arrived. He hurried to the door, grabbing his coat, scarf, and gloves and putting them on the way.

 

“Good morning boss” greeted Happy while he opened the back for Tony and smiled at him. “Ready to go?”

 

“As ready as could ever be,” Tony said putting on a pair of sunglasses. “Let’s get over with this, shall we?”

 

* * *

 

 

Tony looked at the building out of the car window as Happy pulled into the parking lot. It was high, and had a modern architecture, with a lot of glass and gray tones. He hated it.

“Wait here Happy. I should be over in less than an hour.” Tony got out of the car, and inhaled, trying to control the tremble of his fingers.

 

“Of course Tony, good luck.” Happy smiled at him, but he could see the sadness in Happy’s eyes.

 

Tony walked to the lobby of the hospital and asked the receptionist for Dr. Strange’s office, and she told him it was on the 9th floor. He took the elevator to get there. When the doors opened a long hall welcomed him, he walked to the end of it, where Dr. Strange office was. Once there he greeted the secretary and told her he had an appointment.

 

Of course Mr. Stark.” She said smiling. “Please take a seat, Dr. Strange will call you in a moment.”

 

“Thanks,” Tony muttered while he seated at one of the leather chairs. He played with his fingers and stared at the magazines that were in the table in front of him. After five minutes a woman walked out of the doctor’s office, and the secretary announced it was his turn. Tony stepped into the room. It was bigger than he had imagined and had a big window on the opposite side to the door, from where one could see all New York.

 

“Good morning, Mr. Stark.” Tony watched the taller man extend his hand for a handshake. He grabbed it. “Please take a seat,” Strange said as he seated as well.

“So, uhm—” Tony started to say once he seated. “I don’t know if your coworker already told my situation to you —.”

 

“Yes, Dr. Weiss explained it to me and sent me your archive.” the doctor opened the file in front of him. “My recommendation would be to start with chemotherapy to minimize the size of the tumor and then perform surgery for its complete extraction.” He looked at Tony as he closed the file again. “But before deciding, I would also like to perform another check up and more blood studies, even though another biopsy will not be necessary.”

 

“Uhm, okay.” Tony scratched the back of his neck. He felt disconnected from his body; it felt like the doctor talked about someone else.

 

“In that case Mr. Stark, please place on the stretcher.” Stephen pointed the bed behind Tony.

 

Tony stood up and walked to it, sitting up once he arrived. Stephen checked his temperature, it was a little high but still reasonable, and his pressure. He also asked him a few questions about some symptoms. Then he asked him to take off his shirt to check his heart and his lungs. Once he finished he returned to his desk to write down some observations. Tony stared at him as he put back his shirt.

 

“So, doc, when should I start with the treatment,” Tony said as he dropped into the chair and crossed his legs.

 

“This month,” Stephen said as he made eye contact with Tony, “I recommend that you do the blood tests today, so they are ready for tomorrow. We could start with the treatment next week.”

 

“Woah, wait, that’s a little bit fast don’t you think?” he raised his voice, that wasn’t the answer that he had expected.

 

“Yes, it could be seen as rushed, but the truth is that you have been ignoring this sickness long enough. If you continue to ignore it, it could spread to other parts of your body, and then the treatment would be much more difficult, and painful” the doctor’s voice was calm. Tony could feel how his fingers started trembling, so he closed his hand in a fist in a try to stop it.

 

“I know, but right now I can’t start treatment. Perhaps in a couple of months, we could start it?” Steve hadn't even come back home yet. Tony needed more time to prepare.

 

“Mr. Stark, I know you have a company to run, but your health should be your number one priority. You can rely on your team to take care of it while you take care of yourself.” He offered Tony a calming smile, but that only made him feel worse.

 

“It’s not that. It’s just that I have a personal matter that I need to take care of first.” Tony passed his fingers through his hair and inhaled. “Look, could you just give me some medicine for the fever and the pain? I will go to take the blood exams today, and I promise once I sort out the other thing I will start the treatment. I just need time,” his voice broke at the end of the sentence. He massaged his eyes. His head had started to hurt. He knew he couldn’t keep ignoring the sickness anymore and that he needed to start treatment, but he had hoped that Steve would be at his side when he did it.

 

“Very well.” When he heard the doctor’s voice, Tony opened his eyes, and they met with Stephen’s scrutinizing gaze. “I will give you some medicine to deal with the symptoms for now, but please, don’t delay the treatment any longer.” Stephen stood up and started searching through the cabinet placed in the wall behind his desk. He grabbed two flasks of medicine and handed them over to Tony.

 

“Thanks, doc.” Tony took the bottles, relief traveling through his body.

 

“And please, before you leave the hospital, do the blood tests, they do them on the second floor.”

 

“Yeah, I will.” Tony stood up and walked towards the door, turning around to say goodbye to the doctor.

 

“Goodbye Mr. Stark, it was a pleasure meeting you,” Stephen said, placing a bright smile. Tony felt something weird in his stomach when he saw Stephen smile at him, but shrugged it off. He went to the second floor to have his blood drawn, then headed back to Happy, who received him with a smile. They talked a little about how the consult went during the way back home.

 

At least Tony would meet with Peter later, in that way he could avoid his mind from wandering into dark places.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> So here is the new chapter! I hope you enjoyed it, and let me know if there are any mistakes.  
> I also want to thank everyone for your kind comments <3 they inspire me to continue with this fic!


	3. Promise

Peter arrived in the afternoon at Tony’s house.

He went the older man’s house once or twice per week when the school gave him the time and Tony was available. Peter enjoyed it a lot, the freedom to talk about anything and to be able to discuss all the crazy ideas he had, like making a spiderweb-like fluid or discussing how nanotechnology could be used in the mechanical field. Yes, Peter knew he was lucky to know someone like Tony and being able to participate in the projects of one of the most remarkable minds of the twenty-first century.

“Hello Mr. Stark!” the boy exclaimed as soon as Tony opened the door.

“Hello Peter, come in.” Tony smiled at the boy, he also enjoyed his quality time with him. Peter had a quick mind, and always helped Tony to improve his ideas, it was nice to have someone who could give him a younger insight.

The way they met each other was rather funny, destiny could be weird sometimes. Tony was jogging in central park when the boy stumbled against him, Peter immediately got all red and started apologizing, only to notice it was Tony Stark the person he was talking to; after that, the boy got even redder and started telling Tony that he admired him and wanted to be like him one day. Tony laughed at Peter's reaction, but he also empathized with him, so he talked a little bit more with him. He learned that Peter was a freshman and had an interest in science, especially in chemistry; and that he seemed to be very intelligent. After that, Tony offered Peter to visit his lab in the Stark Tower to talk more and discuss projects, and with the time the boy grew onto him. Then at some point, they moved from the lab of Stark industry to his lab house, where Tony kept most of his projects and not only the ones related with the company. That's where they were right now, Peter talked about his school day, and Tony showed him some advances he had done to some of his projects, asking Peter what he thought of them and how they thought could be improved.

“It’s amazing Mr. Stark!” Peter said, taking the small device between his fingers.

Tony’s chest warmed, seeing Peter so enthusiastic about his work always made him feel happy. It was nice to think that his inventions were appreciated by someone; that always gave him a confidence boost to continue working on them. Tony observed Peter’s bright face while he tried other features of the device and couldn’t help his mind from wander to the past.

He remembered when Steve made that same face when Tony talked about his inventions, not understanding anything of what he said to him but loving how passionate Tony seemed.

Tony recalled how he had even kept some of them at Steve’s home to avoid Howard from finding them and throwing them away; saying that they were a waste of time and there were better things Tony could be using his time on.

 

* * *

 

_“Are you going to stay there staring at me all day?” Tony grinned as he turned around to face Steve._

_“I’m sorry.” Steve’s face got wildly red as he avoided Tony’s gaze. “It’s just that. I like to see you work.”_

_“Really? I would think it’s boring.” He let out a small laugh, Tony loved how Steve looked when he flushed, it was adorable._

_“Not at all, I could do it all day.” He walked to Tony and hugged him, giving him a quick peck._

_“And what else could you do all day?” Tony raised an eyebrow suggestively._

_“TONY!!” Steve’s face got redder, and Tony couldn’t help to blurt out a laugh._

_“Don’t tell me you don’t like the idea.” He kissed his boyfriend in the cheek._

_Steve just laughed and tightened the hug around Tony._

* * *

 

“Mr. Stark” Tony snapped back to the present when he heard Peter calling him, he raised his eyes to see the boy, which looked at him concerned. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah kiddo; I just got lost in thought.” Tony smiled at the boy and focused his gaze on the device that Peter had left in the table. “So, what do you think we could improve?”

Peter returned the smile and told Tony about his ideas, waving his hands enthusiastically as he explained them. Tony smiled, listening to everything the boy said, and let himself enjoy his quality time with him.

Peter left around five, Tony told him to say hi to his aunt for him, and Peter promised to come back later that week to talk more about a project he was developing for his chemistry class.

Once Peter had left, Tony walked to the kitchen to grab a coffee and a snack. He sighed as he sat in the table and stared at the floor, thinking about Steve. His husband hadn’t called him in all day, and after what happened yesterday Tony wasn’t going to do it, afraid of bothering him. He took a sip of his coffee while his mind drifted off again to his youth years, when he and Steve had just started dating, and all seemed easier. When they were happy only with being around the other.

Tony remembered the first time he and Steve talked openly about their feelings. They were in Steve’s house porch, and it was raining, but they hadn’t care. They were screaming at each other, and then Tony told him that he had fallen in love with him, the next thing he knew Steve was kissing him. He smiled at the memory. After that they went into the house to dry themselves and talk more calmly; Steve confessed that he fell in love with him months ago and had been trying to get his attention since then, Tony just laughed and kissed him again. 

Tony could remember how then Steve had taken his hand as he stared right at his eyes, he recalled how deep and soft Steve’s voice sounded when he talked. _“I promise you I will never let you down, Tony.”_ And Tony believed him, at that moment he felt that there wasn’t other he could trust more than Steve Rogers.

He wished he could go back to that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short update! I haven't been able to write because I had middle term exams:(, next chapter will be longer and with ironstrange! :D


	4. Hope

Tony sat at the living room, sipping from his coffee and analyzing some documents that Pepper send him about some offer deals with Hammer industries; which, in his opinion, were utterly ridiculous.

He sighed and looked to the sky through the window, thinking about Steve. He missed him. There were already two weeks since the last time Tony saw him. Steve hadn't returned home arguing he was busy doing god knows what, and every time Tony tried to call him he had been too busy to answer. So, the only way of communication they had had was through text messages, but even then Steve's answers were short and always left Tony with a dry sensation in his mouth.

He didn't want to make a big fuss about it, afraid that Steve would take it in the wrong way and get angry with him; but some days it was harder to keep the intrusive thoughts at bay.

Was it really that hard for Steve to fit 5 minutes in his schedule to talk with him? Was he selfish for wanting to speak with his husband? Did Steve didn't miss him at all? Tony was afraid of the answer.

He got up from his seat and walked towards the bookshelf to take the medicine flask, grabbing two pills and swallowing them without water. They were actually helping him a lot with the pain and nausea, and he also hadn't got fever since he started taking them. He felt grateful for it. He hadn't felt this good in months.

Tony observed the bottle between his fingers and noticed that they were only four pills left. He didn't have another bottle, so he needed to restock soon.

He took his phone out of his pocket and messaged Strange, asking when he could drop by to get some more medicaments. He hadn't even closed the chat when an answer popped onto his screen, as if the doctor had already been in the conversation, waiting for Tony to message him or about to message Tony himself.

**Come today at 3 p.m.**

**I will have them ready for you.**

A small smile escaped Tony's lips as he placed his phone back into his pocket.

He asked Friday to inform Happy to pass for him to go to the hospital and decided to take a quick shower before heading out.

 

* * *

 

Tony arrived at Strange's office at precisely 3:01 p.m., and was greeted by the secretary who told him that the doctor was already waiting for him in the office. He thought it was kind of weird, the doctor could have simply left the medicaments with his secretary for Tony to pick them up, but didn’t give it much importance.

 

"Mr. Stark, please take a seat.” Tony heard Stephen say as he stepped into the room.

The other man was sitting in his desk, with some documents between his hands. His hair perfectly combed back, and the white coat highlighted the color of his eyes.

 

"Uh, I just came for the meds, I don't want to take up your time," Tony said, but he sat in the offered chair anyway.

 

"I was actually expecting to also discuss the beginning date for the treatment.” Stephen crossed his fingers as he placed his hands on the table.

 

"What about it?” Tony knew what the man was referring to, but decided to act like he didn’t.

 

"Well, you have to choose a date.” He said with a little humor.

 

“Yes, I know, but it's just been two weeks..." he sighed and passed a hand through his hair. "Look, the medicines have really helped me a lot, maybe I could just stick with them for a while until I decide what to do.”

 

"Mr. Stark, you don't seem to understand the gravity of the situation.” Stephen’s voice sounded serious. He stared directly at Tony’s eyes, trying to decipher what was in the man’s head. “The medicines only mask the symptoms, but they don’t cure you in any way.”

 

Tony didn’t answer.

 

“Look, Mr. Stark, I know this can be scary,” Stephen said softly. “But ignoring it isn't going to solve anything. You're still on time to do something; please don’t waste your chance.”

 

“I’m not wasting anything.” Stephen gave him an exasperated glance but didn’t say anything else. Instead, he just stared at him like he was trying to solve a puzzle, making Tony nervous. “Look, just give me the med.”

 

“Mr. Stark, please tell me what’s happening, as your doctor, I must know anything that can be affecting your health in any way.” By the look Stephen was giving him, Tony knew he couldn’t deflect the conversation. And also, something inside of him told him he could trust the man.

 

“I’m just tired,” Tony said, looking defeated. He passed a hand through his hair before continuing. “I’m tired of building all these false expectations that end up falling apart.” It was true. He was tired, tired of waiting for Steve to come back home, tired of not being able to talk with him, tired of feeling lonely. And he was afraid too. He feared that Steve would never come back with him, or when he did it would be too late.

 

Stephen gave Tony a sympathetic smile like he just had understood something. Tony bit his lip and tapped his fingers on the table, waiting for the man to answer. Instead, the doctor opened one of the drawers of his desk and grabbed a new bottle of pills from inside of it.

 

“You must always hold onto some kind of hope in this life,” Stephen said as he extended his hand to him, offering him the medicine flask.

 

“Hope is such a cruel thing to have,” Tony whispered, although by the look the doctor gave him he was sure he had heard him. He took the bottle and placed it in his pocket before standing. “Thanks for the pep talk Doc, but I have to go.” He walked towards the door, feeling the intense gaze of Stephen in his back.

 

“Wait, please,” Stephen said before Tony could open the door, “I want to give you something.” He left the room and returned with the most beautiful flower Tony had ever seen. It was green with red stripes adorning it, two of its petals were placed horizontally around what seems some kind of bulb and a bigger one crowned it, which made it look like a ballerina.

 

“You want to give me a plant?” Tony raised an eyebrow with incredulity.

 

“This is a Gold of Kinabalu orchid ” Stephen started explaining as he placed the pot in Tony’s hand, who was still glancing at him with confusion.“Do not let your mind wander when you are alone, a hobby could help you with that.”

 

“I have a hobby” Tony murmured. It was true, he had his bots and projects, he didn’t need a plant. “Besides, I don't know anything about looking out for flowers.” He raised the pot to the level of his face to analyze the flower more closely.

 

“Is not that hard, and maybe looking after it will teach you to value more your life.”

 

Tony just looked at the plant, doubtfully.

 

“Just try it for this week. If you still aren’t convinced you can bring it back.” He tilted his head towards Tony and gave him a warm smile.

 

“Fine, but I will probably kill it in two days.” Tony felt the heat rise to his cheek and avoided the doctor’s glance by looking again at the plant.

 

“I’m sure you won’t.” Stephen factions softened as he said goodbye to Tony and opened the door for him, asking Tony to keep him updated and call him if anything happened.

 

Tony left the building, plant in hand and his heart beating like it wanted to leave his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more ironstrange interaction <3 I hope you like it!!   
> It is not as long as I wanted it to be, but I will try to post the next chapter sooner to make up for it!  
> Also thank you for all your kind comments and kudos <3, receiving them make me really happy:D


	5. Of love and books.

Tony rushed to the bookshelf to grab the medicine flask, stumbling with the couch in his way there. The fever stroke at some moment in the night and he had woke up covered in sweat and feeling nauseous. He took out three pills and placed them in his mouth, swallowing them without water. He resisted the urge to puke them back by putting his hand on his mouth and focusing on his breathing.

Once he was sure he wouldn’t vomit, he grabbed his chest and let himself fall to the ground, resting his head on the bookshelf beside him, cold sweat ran down his face.

He looked at the books that were on the shelf in front of him until his gaze focused on one of them. He reached up to grab it and placed it on his legs as he looked at the title.

 

**_From the Earth to the Moon._ **

 

Tony then opened it on the first page and read the dedication. “ _Wherever you are is where I want to be, from the corners of the sea to the end of heaven._ ” A small smile escaped his mouth. This book was the first gift Steve had given him. Tony remembered the moment clearly as if it had happened yesterday instead of almost 15 years.

* * *

 

_“Tony, wait” Tony turned around to face the person who had called his name. His eyes widened when he saw Steve Rogers running towards him._

_“I- I wanted to give you this” Steve blurted out once he was in front on Tony, holding a book towards him._

_Tony raised his eyebrows, unable to mask his surprise. “Uh,” he took the book and stared at Steve, who was utterly red and was looking straight at Tony, “thanks.” He felt the heat rising to his cheeks. Tony didn’t know what else to say. Never, even in his wildest dreams, had he imagine that he would be in such a situation._

_“I know Jules Verne is your favorite author, so I bought one of his books for you” Steve said as he glared to the floor and scratched his neck,“I hope you like this book” He looked to Tony again, his gaze full of determination. “and I hope you would accept go out on a date with me, too.”_

_Tony felt his heartbeat race as he stared to the beautiful sky that Steve's eyes were._

* * *

 

Tony laughed happily at the memory. Steve had really taken him by surprise, something almost anyone was capable of doing.

He also remembered their first date. They ended up making out in the restaurant bathrooms, luckily no one noticed. After that, they started dating officially, and Tony began to spend almost all of his free time with Steve. They also used to make out in every place they could. They were disgusting, as Rhodey liked to say to Tony every time he walked in on them. But Tony was in love, he didn't care about what the others thought.

He also got into a lot of fights with his father because of it. Howard never accepted that Tony dated a man. Tony’s mind wandered to that specific night when he had a huge fight with his father, so he ran away from home and went to Steve’s.

 

* * *

 

_It was around midnight when Steve opened his house door; his eyes widened when he saw the person behind it._

_“Tony! What happened? What are you doing here?” he grabbed the other boy and pulled him inside the house. Tony was completely wet from the rain, and Steve could see that his arms were covered in bruises._

_“Can I stay here for tonight?” his eyes refused to meet Steve’s. “Please I- I don’t have anywhere else to go.” the boy stated between sobs and so softly that Steve almost didn’t hear it._

_“Of course Tony. Come, I will show you the guest room.” Steve took Tony’s hand delicately and guided him through the house until they arrived at the room. “Wait here, I will bring you some towels.” Tony sat in the bed, looking around him. The room walls were blue, the bed sheet white and soft to the touch; there were a closet and a sofa too in the room._

_Steve returned shortly after with a white towel in his arms. “Here, so you can dry.” Tony stared at it, wanting to take it but feeling too tired to move. Steve watched Tony, how he seemed so small and fragile, he wondered again how he had made the bruises. He had an idea, but he expected to be wrong._

_Once it was apparent Tony wasn’t going to take the towel, Steve unfolded it and started drying Tony’s hair with it, then he did the same with his arms to finally let it rest in his shoulders. During all the process Tony didn’t say a word nor moved._

_“Tony,” Steve said as he sat beside him. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”_

_“It’s just—.” He vacillated, not knowing what to say. “I don’t want to be near my father right now.”_

_“Did you fight again with him?”_

_“Yes, but, this time got worse. He hit me, Steve, he hadn’t done that since I was twelve.” Tony placed his head between his eyes and let himself release some tears. “I thought that time was over, that know that I’m not a kid he wouldn’t hit me anymore. But I was wrong.” The tears began to fall uncontrollably, unable to contain them. He felt bad for showing Steve this side of him, the pathetic one._

_“Tony.” Steve's voice was soft, as he grabbed Tony’s head and placed onto his chest. “Don’t worry, you’re with me now. I won’t let anything bad happen to you ever again.”And right then, Tony said to himself that he would be able to overcome anything as long he had Steve at his side._

* * *

 

Tony sighed, bringing his mind back to the present. He closed the book, leaving it aside.

“It's been 23 days since you were home,” he hugged his legs, and let his tears fall down his face as he buried his head between his knees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short update! I hope you like it <3  
> Kudos and comments are always welcome too:D <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So, this is the first fanfic that I publish here, I'm really nervous and I hope you like it!  
> I don't have a Beta Reader and English is not my native language, so please let me know any mistakes you find!  
> Kudos and comments are always welcome,  
> thank you for reading <3
> 
> Edit: I posted the first chapter again because i fixed some things, i hope is better now!


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